Are you a Google employee who wants out? Are you tired of the mountainous, monotonous, monorepo life? Does working for a third-place cloud provider get you down? Do you prefer to have your company launch products with cross-product integrations on day one? Do you want a union? Shouldn’t your company care about its employees? Do you wish your company would stop fucking up its reputation? Do you feel that Google’s monopoly power is growing stronger and should be stopped through heavy regulation? Is the Alphabet soup too hard to swallow? Are you tired of product shutdowns and reshuffling due to a culture of promotions as an incentive to launch and not maintain? Is it them and not you?
The good news is that there is hope.
Escape from Google is a groundbreaking new therapy from the makers of Killed by Google. Escape from Google combines a clinically disproven and FDA rejected, 100% unnatural dietary supplement that provides you the courage and strength to stand up to The Big G.
This once-a-week pill (along with our proprietary subscription See The Light™️ therapy ointment you can only buy through Web Stories Ads) will allow you to free your mind, open your heart, improve your body, lose or gain weight, and ditch Google in twelve to sixty months. We mostly--though not necessarily--guarantee it.
Talk to your doctor, and see if Escape from Google is right for you.
"Fuck it! I'll try any drug once."
"They put the ashes of Gawker in it, so I know it will work."
"Well, actually, it is out of this world."